Platforms and Puppets

Susana and Ella, this post if for you both. A thank you for being so supportive.

Formally known as ‘lunykornio’ this ex moon unicorn lives in Spain, a city girl. With an incredible sense of style and a new name @nonbreak you make a statement: You will never break. Binge eating disorder? This is just a challenge for you. In your platform boots you will conquer anything, one step at a time.

Pale skinned, raven haired cello playing angel. You talk to me about your life and confess all. You cope with so much I’m honoured to be your friend.

With incredible English you make me feel important, at times beautiful and I wonder if I ever make you feel the same way. We don’t see our true reflection in the mirror but I see beauty in you and you see it in me.

“No girl sees it in herself I think. We don’t believe nice comments but we do when an idiot says the contrary. I’ve learnt to only listen to the opinions of my friends and family, it is selfish but it stops me getting hurt” – Susana.   

I must always remember those words.    

    

 How I wish I could meet you in person.

Ella, I noticed your ribs and you noticed my raw knuckles with this mutual understanding of what we do to ourselves our friendship boomed.

Ana had been controlling you, you were the puppet she was the puppeteer but it’s time for you to cut those strings.   

With such a witty sense of humour I hope you’re laughing through recovery. It’s not going to be easy. I know that, even though I do not face recovery at the moment I cannot comprehend how difficult this must be.

“You keep restricting for one reason: you are ill. You're very sick, both mentally and physically, and you can't stop without help. You're killing yourself, and the sooner you get the help you deserve, the better. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. I promise.” – Ella.

Tough love. But chummy that is something I truly believe in. It’s not every day I get told I’m killing myself but I am, I need to come to terms with it.

Recovery is imminent for me, you’re 3 steps ahead urging me on. Holding my hand soon we will be able to say in unison “I beat my eating disorder” and be proud.

You are a role model, supporting me even if the support you have yourself is weak. Putting others before yourself is how girls like us end up like this, learn to love your body, your being.

I am so proud of you. Not only me but ‘deep beanie headed lady’ is too ( Mary Lambert). You’re worth more than this disorder.

“Love your body the way your mother loved your baby feet

And brother, arm wrapping shoulders, and remember

This is important

You are worth more than who you fuck

You are worth more than a waistline

You are worth more than any naked body could proclaim

In the shadows, more than a man's whim

Or your father's mistake

You are no less valuable as a size 16, than a size 4

You are no less valuable as a 32a than a 36c

Your sexiness is defined by concentric circles within your wood

Wisdom

You are a goddamn tree stump with leaves sprouting out

Reborn”

"OK, it's not perfect, but perfection’s overrated"- Ella.